September 18, 2020



Imagine you’re planning to bake a cake for someone special in your life. Maybe it’s a birthday or anniversary and you want to make it special for them.  Instead of hitting the cake aisle in the supermarket you make for the baking section.  

Gathering together all of the ingredients you realise that you need eggs. Now it takes extra effort to get the eggs, they’re on a different aisle, it will take more time and energy to find and choose the right ones.  Time is short, if you don’t get back soon there won’t be enough time to bake the cake before your special someone arrives.  

So, do you decide to not get the eggs in favour of getting home earlier? 

Let’s say you do exactly that. 

Would you like to guess what the cake is going to look like if you don’t follow the recipe and use all of the ingredients?

Now I’m not a baker but even I know this is not going to turn out like the picture in the recipe book.

And that is exactly what happens when you don’t have all of your needs met.

This has become a regular topic in my client sessions, and I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve watched them roll their eyes when I mention needs to them AGAIN!!!

But the conversation has taken an interesting turn recently and I’ve observed a common theme come up, it goes something like this:

“Ah really?! The last time we covered this, I needed a better sleep routine, regular exercise, eat healthier and hydrate – I’VE DONE ALL OF THAT!!! Ok I was starting to feel much better but then the kids went back to school, I went back to work and I feel like it’s all gone wrong again.”

So we go digging:  

Basic physiological needs are being met (mixing bowl, spatula, butter, flour, sugar and water – did I mention I’m not a baker?) and you will be feeling better, perhaps so much better that you were quietly dancing inside.  

Then a transition comes along and mixes things up a bit. It all gets a bit chaotic, messy and takes a while to get back under control.  You’ve used up some of that energy now and you’re left looking at a scrambled mess, frustrated because you’ve been working to get most of your needs met.  Why don’t you feel ok?

Let’s talk about those other needs that haven’t been met for quite some time now, they’re the ones that when a wee bit of depletion is experienced you very quickly feel not ok.

These other needs are things like:

  • Time in nature
  • Time alone
  • Connection with others
  • Quiet time
  • Party time

They vary for different people, but they are still the eggs your recipe needs in order to get the outcome you want.

If you can accept that you’re not going to get a lovely slice of cake without the eggs, then can you see how you’re not going to feel ok until ALL of your needs are being met?

I know it feels like hard work, it’s difficult to prioritise doing things that you feel only you benefit from and you may even be worried that someone in your world will judge you to be selfish or lazy but seriously, just get the eggs! 

Take time out to do what you need to do to get every ingredient into that bowl and then go bake yourself the cake of your dreams!


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