November 13, 2020

Lazy Bitch

Lazy Bitch article

Isn’t it funny how sometimes life presents you with a variety of situations that when you look at them collectively, you can see a clear pattern and know with certainty, the lesson you are ready to learn? This, I have learned, is how the brain works. Your unconscious mind pops a wee nugget of opportunity out in the open, just to test whether the environment is right. It usually (for me at least) takes the form of a mini reaction to something someone has said, or you experience an event that bears striking resemblance to something that feels old or familiar.

Now whether it’s the universe, coincidence, manifestation or any other summoning technique you’d choose to label it, this moment seems to have a catalytic effect. Suddenly we are seeing links to other events, we are feeling emotions that seem old and forgotten, and our curiosity is sparked. Where is all this shit coming from?

It all started in a conversation I was having with someone who both coaches and trains me in the ways of developing my business. I’ve known her for a while and one of the things I love about her is that she is brave enough to talk straight with me. She shared her observations that she could tell I was incredibly busy but seemed to be sacrificing time on my business by putting time into activities that supported other people’s businesses. I, of course, was ready with an entire storage container full of excuses and reasons and stories for why this would be the case and I even acknowledged what I was doing. All the while my inner coach was leaning back in her seat, breathing deeply and saying “really? Tell me more about that”. 

Now of all the voices in my head, this is one that excites me. I love nothing more than to go exploring the inner workings of the mind to find that golden nugget that will light up all the behaviours that haven’t really made sense until now. And so, my unconscious mind read the signal that said, “I’m ready, let’s do this”.

 A couple of days later, while walking with a friend, I heard her say “I was told I was really bright at school but lazy”. At that moment, I instantly recognised that there was an emotional response within me and did what we all do when it feels like the moment to look at it isn’t quite right, I pushed it aside and brought my focus back to the conversation.

The very next day, watching a Facebook live, I was asked the question “what are the things you say to yourself that you’d never say to someone else” and for me, the response immediately came back as “you’re a lazy bitch”. This time I let it come out into the open, well a wee bit at least. I posted my response “I have a belief that I am lazy”, a much kinder version because, who would really say the truth out loud, right?

My unconscious mind took this signal as game-on and I was flooded with realisations of the behaviours that I have been living with in order to keep this belief that I am a lazy bitch. Now, if it were simply that I believed I was lazy, my behaviours would have exclusively had the energy of not starting anything, saying I didn’t like doing things that I once loved to do, blaming my age, my weight, my looks, my perimenopause. I would be sitting on the sofa scoffing crisps, drinking gin at every opportunity and have an extensive wardrobe of loungewear. I’d be fundamentally living a lazy life.

Except I wasn’t and this is how I know just how smart my mind actually is. I was living a life hell-bent on proving to myself that I wasn’t lazy. On the one hand, I had a deep-rooted belief that I was lazy and on the other a determined belief that I wasn’t. This conflict is exactly the reason our minds are very careful about letting this stuff out. If I had been in a depleted or emotional place when it was revealed, it could very easily have sent me into a tailspin. 

Thankfully I have the tools to work through deep-rooted beliefs, in fact, I now love finding them because I enjoy the journey through exposing them, loving them (that’s crucial to the process) and letting them go. The last part is often the hardest part for me. Writing a new belief, to satisfy my unconscious that it can fully let go of the old one. 

It seems to me that it likes to operate a sort of barter system. I’ll give you this deep belief, but you have to give me a new one to take its place. Without this last part, the unconscious seems to hold onto a fragment of the old belief and with time, collects evidence to justify it once again – oh and this time, the very fact that you tried to eradicate it and failed, well that’s even more evidence and the old belief is here to stay.

And here’s where it gets highly amusing for me because this smart mind of mine can spot a fabricated belief in a heartbeat. It won’t be fooled by some shallow imitation. The new belief has to have truth and substance and be able to stand up to the scrutiny of my values. Or it becomes an imposter and will quickly be added to the evidence supporting the original belief.

So, the real work begins to re-write a new belief to replace “I am a lazy bitch”. I can’t wait to find out what it is.

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