Let me set the scene. I’ve been working on some of my stuff for bloody decades now. You know, the old murky stuff that just keeps popping back from time to time. I went through a phase of being really hacked off that some really familiar old themes kept re-visiting despite my “doing the work” and “digging deep” and (alongside some great coaching and training) I set the intention that I’d get really curious about them and use my skills to be my own best coach.
Fast forward to today. I received a message from a client that she’s having to cancel working with me. Her explanation was convincing and had I been in her shoes, I would have reached the same conclusion. It wasn’t about me, or my coaching, or my pricing, or my anything. It was her stuff and she needed a bit of space to manage it.
Bam! A tsunami of gastric fluids hit me. I felt rage charge through my entire nervous system and I had this overwhelming need to shout very very loudly at anyone who was daft enough to get too close.
I’m not going to lie, this was the old me, how I used to respond and oh my was I bloody unpleasant to be around. When the lid came off and the red mist descended, it was not unusual for me to clear a room. I hate it. It’s really not who I want to be.
Now, I have this new part of me who’s persistently nosy and wants to know what the hell is going on. She digs around like a child, naive and oblivious to the prickly edges she’s poking at. Laughably stares my rage in the face and says “wow, that’s big, where did that come from?”
Now here’s the important bit – listen carefully. It’s totally ok to feel rage, anger, frustration, disappointment, sadness, fear, and any other you’d add to the list. These emotions are interwoven with happiness, fulfilment, love, peace and any other you’d add to the list. They have a symbiotic connection and exist together to sustain a thriving life force. When a disproportionate or unexpected reaction to an event occurs, this is merely an internal claxon alerting us to a belief we are holding onto. A belief that is likely not serving us very well, or at all. The good news is we can learn to process these moments and create outcomes we desire even in the face of the worst provocation.
And so the rage begins to melt, the mist begins to clear and we discover “that old chestnut” limiting belief that is over 4 decades old. Well we know what to do with that now. Another layer is peeled away and I’m left feeling grateful for the trigger. And grateful for the tools that allowed me to work through it without damaging relationships or allowing the stress to rampage through my body.
The work is never done, the triggers will continue to appear as and when the time is right and the tools I have are reliably effective. It’s a strange harmony that exists between my happiness and these triggers. Without the triggers, I know I’d not feel anything at all, I’d not know passion and love, peace and joy, hope and ambition. I am a bit of a trigger geek now, they are truly fascinating and the stories that lie within tell us exactly who we are. Who fancies a trigger geek out with me? I promise it will be a life changing journey!